Timely Wisdom

Resolving Conflicts In Relationships:::::::::(the complete article):::::::::

In relationships, sometimes we feel that the other person is not only a problem but also a source of conflicts. We have to be aware that there always have to be two people involved for there to be an unhappy or conflicting exchange. When we are in any conflict, it is difficult to see and understand the true causes and the real energy of the process of the conflict. The emotions that arise inside us during a conflict distract us and even blind us.


In the first place, it is important to recognize that your response in any situation of conflict is your contribution to the conflict. The process of responding to any person or situation is something that takes place in you. Nothing can make you feel anything without your permission. If you have been in conflict with someone for a time, for sure, you create fear or anger towards them, expressing thus behaviors of resistance when you communicate or relate to them. The other person is not responsible for your emotions or for your behavior.


Your experience of conflict and your contribution to the conflict begin in your consciousness and you keep them in your consciousness. It begins with your perception of the other (how you see others). If you perceive them negatively you will think negatively; you will feel negative and create a negative attitude; you will behave negatively, and so you will transmit a negative energy. You don't have to do it like that. Perception is a choice.


When there is conflict there is mental and emotional pain, even physical. Who creates that pain? You! Who creates at least half of the conflict? You! Where do you dissolve it? In your consciousness - in you. Freeing yourself of the conflict is a matter of a decision. At any moment you can decide not to be in conflict. One party has to dissolve their contribution to the conflict, even if it is temporarily, for the process of resolution to be able to begin.

During a conflict, it is good to realize that the energy that you put into the conflict will possibly be the quality of energy that you will receive in return. This is the law of reciprocity (cause and effect). On a subtle level, we radiate according to our attitude, and on a physical level, we radiate according to our behavior. What we transmit on a subtle or/and physical level will return to us in a similar way; unless the 'other' is 'wiser' and decides not to give us back the same negative energy, but rather to treat us in exchange with a positive attitude and pro-active behavior. That way, that person won't bring about a dependence inside us, but rather they will help us to free ourselves of our own negativity.

Often, conflict between two people happens because we do not get the result in a relationship that we want; we are stuck to getting a specific result and we allow our happiness to depend on getting it. On not getting it, we use a wrong method; we generate a conflict, we feel ourselves to be victims, we blame the other, we project our pain onto them; all of this under the belief that others - the other - is who makes us happy or unhappy. This is a false belief.

When your happiness depends on your expectations being fulfilled, it is difficult to be happy in a constant way. Often expectations are disguised desires, and where there are desires there is fear - the fear of not getting what you want. When you don't get it you get unhappy and, in so doing, you keep happiness away from you. It is good to set yourself goals of peaceful relationships, but if they are not fulfilled or if these goals take time to achieve, don't lose your sense of well being. Your happiness is a much more valuable treasure than the external achievement of your expectations and of those that others have of you.